Looking up?

Well, I'm hesitant to admit it, but things are looking up up up for the time being:

-February is almost over and it looks like we all survived more or less.
-Was offered full-time at Gemini and it looks like I'm going to be getting a prime set of shifts as of Spring quarter. Overnights Sun.-Wed. Full-time, paid vacation and sick time and full benefits that end up costing me about 14 cents a month. Yeah, real talk. Plus it's in a field I'm more or less interested in and will definitely serve as an excellent buffer during the next year.
-Got a wonderful deal on a new car that I'm really loving (although it's in the shop right now, getting some things I knew needed done taken care of right now.
-A relationship with a wonderful person who continues to amaze me.
-Finishing up the triple major/minor I had only thought existed in my twisted, hyper-ambitious mind. And it looks like it's going to work out.

Yeah, smooth sailing it seems. Waiting for the white squall to come in from the south, but feel ready for Quoi qui arrive. Funny how much I'm looking forward to the next year of things. I'll be done with school (been quite ready for this since October); Brian will be back; Ashton will be back; perhaps most importantly, though is that I'll get a chance to take a minute, breathe, and focus on a couple of things explicitly as opposed to trying to pick my teeth with a shotgun barrage of things coming at me at 500 mph. That'll be a new thing, so to speak. I think that my year in Paris was instrumental in this kind of perspective as it was the first time that I didn't have a mass of hours at 1 or 2 jobs, wild school work and 300 other things on my plate and I realized that relationships are one of the most important things in life. I'm going to say this now, but who we are in this world is largely written by the kinds of relationships we have with the people in our lives. Ehhh, I'll get to that later if you want. What are your thoughts?

Marc signing out...
  • Current Music
    weird ass AM radio. Ha!

Com Log

Ya know, contrary to what one might think, 11pm to 8:30am goes by damn-ass fast. whoop, there goes a 40-hour work week. What did I do? Barreled through episodes of house, checked out some new music, talked to my college about the weird stuff he collects, did a few loads of laundry, ate a lot, read some research articles, read some more. Not bad, for a job. Not bad at all....ha.

Hope you're all having a nice time sleeping on weekends, cuz while you sleep, I'm conspiring my own metamorphosis and transgression into a nouveau EigenDasein! And I'll destroy YOU while I'm at it.

  • Current Music

Ground to wire

Been quite some time since I've thrown anything up here: tant pis.


-First off: got a call yesterday for a full time position à Gemini. i.e. a real job doing something I Really want to be doing. Paid vacation, benefits, etc...with one catch: it's going to be overnights Thurs-Sun (11pm-8:30am the next day). Ick. I will formally kiss the extent of my social life goodbye. Or, at least, it would become lame. That is a big draw back (the only, actually) and I hope it doesn't really weigh too negatively on some more important things in my life...a tough decision, but I need to take things as they come to me. So there's that.

-Richileu is coming out here! Heard 'bout that tonight. Couldn't be happier!

-If you're happy, I'm....

Digesting Whirlwinds

After another day where I go 14 hours without a single free moment, going non-stop (quite literally at that!), I come to realize my dependence on B-vitamins and the affordable, mildly-nutritious Whopper Jrs...

In short: I've never been busier in my life...It's exhausting, but at the same time, I wouldn't have it any other way. Full-course load, full-time job, internship, starting a second job, still 'moving in'. It stacks down and delineates that 'free time' thing....

After spending about 2 hours planning and analyzing my stuff, I think that I actually will pull off a triple major with a minor from an overpriced private University that I still have a love/hate relationship with.

A 'day off'?!? Ha! What a funny illusion!

A few notes:

-Probably will end up working with the Autism Society of Colorado as a public policy analyst-type position. Not exactly the 'hands-on' clinical work I had initially wanted, but I'm thinking tant mieux due to the fact that it is something with a lot of potential and it is wildly different than what I had planned. Like I've always said, "Ya gotta mix it up!"

-Been listening to Subtle and Aesop Rock nonstop lately. Thank you for everything you touch, Anticon, oh great collaborator of music!

-Starting at Gemini Family Tree this week. Really stoked about that. It'll be interesting wedging this in, particularly because it's looking as if I'll be taking the 23h-7h shifts....

-Courses are going well. I think I have the rest of the year planned out.

-It's been fun having a big paper or test (often multiple) every damn week for the last 5 weeks. Tip-Top.

-Got plenty of projects lined up. Impec.

-Back down to 130lbs again. Don't even need to unbutton my pants to put them on. Bad.

-Due to some loving and sardonic inspiration from Jill, I think I want to begin composing a manifesto. Let's see how that turns out....

-Seeing Astronautalis last night really set something in motion in me last night.

-Been dreaming again. A lot more sandy and subterranean manifestations this time. Interesting.

12-feet tall and staggering.
  • Current Mood
    Debordé to a par...

Forecast is hazy with speckles of something that glistens.

I suppose October is this Thursday, and with that comes a new gateway into....a house! more like a mansion, to be honest. It will be interesting and rather incredible living with my Sister and Matt. I'm looking forward to getting to know Matt better, and I'm sure that will come in time. It will be even niceer no longer feeling as if I'm living out of my car because I WILL BE CLOSE TO EVERYTHING! Biking to school=awesome; 5 minutes from work=easy! Perhaps with a new house will come a new kind of consistency with the way that things are. OProbably not. Most importantly though is the real fireplace. I also come to wonder how the hell I somehow enjoied living so damn East it was pratcially Aurora. Hummm de dum.

I have Saturday and Sunday nights off this week. For me, that is an event. The first weekend evenings I've had off since I started about a week after getting back. It will be largely spent moving/working for the Race for the Cure, however, so I guess I'm not 'free'...I'm stoked though. Time off? That's a new concept.

In other news, I've calculated that I only have about 45 hours of time per week where I am not required to do something, so for those who always seem to be hatin' on me because I never hang out, it's because I have no damn time to do it. So, please, be a friend and realize that I am legitimately busy. However, I would absolutely love to hang out any night after 10:30 but feel like that's too late to call most people to meet up for coffee.

Perhaps I was a moron to take a full course load, an internship, a serivce-learning Geriatric program and a full-time job (and perhaps a semi part-time in addition to that), or perhaps I am just a moron. Either way, I'm pretty sure I'll enjoy all that everything has to offer, so I suppose I'll be seein' how the ball rolls.

-I want a new job. Not that I don't love driving around for countless hours listening to NPR, lectures and new music, but I need to be making more and doing something more geared towards my 'field'. I'm hoping that this interview with Family Tree Gemini might be a step in that direction.

-I'm more busy than I've ever been. I don't mind it, but it really takes time away from seeing people I wish I could see more often....

-I'm graduating this year, and I realize kind of what that means in terms of knowledge. Seeing potential carreer availability within Psychology is very neat; seeing me filling this is even cooler. Guess I still have a lot to figure out...

-I still can't seem to find Concerning the Spiritual in Art, Speech and Phenomena, A Primer on Drug Action or some of my old notebooks and that makes me very sad. In fact, there are a lot of my things that I don't know where they are.....like Time....

-I have too much on my head, and this is presently manifested by my blah blah blah, so don't bother reading...

-Avery's Out of Bounds Stout=beer of the week.

Additionally, I bring you my new project. Check it if you want. I'll try and throw whatever stumbles on my doorstep right back at you! Indeed!

I believe that's it for now.

  • Current Music


September has thus far been a slippery month. Feels like the first couple of days and already it's the 16th. Interesting I suppose...

There's a very foggy and wavering energy surrounding this year thus far. Most notably in relation to how I anticipate school will go and how that will consequently fit in with people in my life and their ways of relating to one another. School-wise, things are going to be fun... I hope. This quarter I realize is pretty much "Learning how to be a clinician-101" where all but one of my courses is either theory or practice in a clinical setting. My field experiences course I'm quite optimistic for. I hope to be able to actualy see a slightly medical side of clinical work; my Neuropharmacology course I'm a little skeptical about, due largely to the fact that it seems to be primarily centered around geriatrics/community service. It came as quite the surprise when I realized that we're going to be spending quite a chunk of time in an old-folks home...and I come to ask myself whether I'm studying Neuroscience or Gerontology...I suppose I'll see....I short, I've gotta bust my balls this quarter, max out on psych courses next quarter including the first part of a seminar series that I'm stoked for then hopefully wrap it all up next quarter--completing three majors and a minor and barely pulling myself up by my bootstraps in the process...

In other words, I'm hella stoked on these things:

-My new baby. This is draft one, final draft should be done soon, and Ima holla atchu when it's finished. Feels more at home than I've felt in quite some time.
-ha ha (for all-a-y'all haters who be sayin' that all my obsessin' ain't legit!)
-This girl and everything about her.
-Fuckin' life, son!

I feel like this 'entry' had a lot more 'direction', but I suppose that's not really there...Tant pis, mec; Tant pis, mec. I'll have my 'blog' up and kickin' pretty soon, to give ya guys a little sneek preview.

I'll be fine once I get it together.
  • Current Music
    Ten in the Swear Jar/Kid Cdi

Gloomy Sunday

Thus far, the trip has been nice. Not what I've wanted, because I want More (and I need all the love that I can't get to...) always, but it has been what it has been. I guess the fact that I can't get anyone to get up and off their arses before noon which consequently cuts into the time we might have at the National Parks we set out to see. I guess complacency is what's been getting to me and the fact that I actually let the fact that the world perhaps doesn't thirst for the juice out of every moment quite like I do.

Ended up getting more or less arrested on day one of the trip. Probably the most fun I've had since I was able to whine and English-speak my way out of a ticket back in Paris. Our first stop'off was Royal Gorge. Ok, cool. Not until you get there and find out that these fuckers want to charge you 24 bloody dollars to walk across a goddamned bridge. Because I'm a stubborn prick of a 'man' of principles, I refused to pay such a fee. Besides, the money wasn't going toward anything I agreed with. It was private property--i.e. some cocksucker who just wants to milk circumstance and flashy notoriety...anyway...so I try sneaking in, realizing that this wasn't as plausible as I would like it to be, give up and elect to hop the fence and hike around, trying to get a good look at the canyon at least.

Of course, I get a little too close to the establishment and some chubby rent-a-ranger (not even a real cop) spots me and starts yelling at me to get up there. I know I don't want to do that and start to ask him who owns the rocks I was climbing around on. I was at those points where I didn't care at all. He calls over his equally chubby rentable colleague and they start yellin' at me, fussing and getting pretty pissed off. Because I'm with Ash and Megu, I decide not to evade them, despite how easy it would be and end up standing on a rock with them below; and me after 10 minutes of playing with the rent-a-rangers, I decide to let myself in their custody under the condition that I not be touched. Of course, the guy breaks his word when he grabs my wallet out of my arsepocket because I told him I didn't have ID. They yell and get all mad at m and, I just act really friendly and confused with them. The guys act as if I was actually doing something wrong, which is pretty funny, get a photocopy of my id and tell me that I am banished from Royal Gorge and my return would result in me going to jail. They escort me off the property by handcuffing me and taking me in their little jeep. In telling me to get in the car, and I ask them where we were going. They refused to answer and I tried to explain that I didn't want to get in a car with an unknown destination.I finally just get in.That car ride was one of the funnest rides I've ever had. These guys were mad as balls at me and I was as friendly as possible with them. We're driving back and I'm asking all these questions about how they must love their job, how cool the work they do is and Colorado history. I finally get the guy to actually talk to me and it's just funny. I get out 4 miles down the road and shake their hands, look them in the eye and Thank them for such a wonderful experience with all the sincerity I could muster. All in all, it was something that was really quite fun. I mean, it was worth it just to see how seriously these guys took the circumstance and a little flattering that they regarded me as an actual threat and something that needed to be dealt with. I feel like I'm making a difference.

Today was a real kicker in the tow, I suppose. Megu has been having back problems apparently, which I have difficulty understanding because diagnostically it doesn't make any sense at all. I ended up going to Zion alone, because Ash elected to stay at the hotel room for some reason. Anyway, got there and tried to tackle one of the longest hikes in a short period of time. Did an 14km, 800 meter ascent in 3 hours (ETA was 5), so felt pretty good about that. Zion by far takes the cake out of the National Parks that I've seen. The sandcliffs here are absolutely stunning and it really doesn't feel real. Love that feeling. Took the hike and ended up talking to this French dude the whole walk down. Ended up being a cool guy who lived outside of Fountainbleu and had worked in Grenoble and Denver of all places. He was a Mountain guide more or less whose name happened to be Marc. It was just really nice to be able to express myself in French again and enjoy the function of a good conversation in French including the perspectives and mannerisms of an authentic French mec. Reminded me a wee bit of Dominique.I guess that's been the cool highlight thus far.

I've come to realize that I'm pretty much on my own here. Ash isn't really himself around Megu, which sucks, but is no reason to have a fit about. Megu doesn't really interact with me and spends most of the time spacing. So I realize that if I want to have fun, I'm just going to have to go off and do shit on my own. I'm not pissed, but yeah, I'm bummed. I'm on this trip to spend my last real chunk of time with Ash before he moves away and took a big piece out of my pocket and paychecks for this. Instead, he is there about 15% of the time and I am lucky if I can get him to do anything. Basically, I feel like the little kid who is excited and eager to play with his parents on vacation and do things while he has lazy, fat parents who want to sit their arses in the hotel room when some of the world's most beautiful formations rest within reach.

So yeah, it sucks. I feel like no one is really there like they once were. And, I need to not be such a little 7-year-old and realize that my family is splitting up permanently and it's time for me to get a wrinkld forehead, some heartburn meds and stop riding my bike around late at night. For the first time, well, ever...I feel socially on my own. It's just a question of adjustement, I suppose.
  • Current Music
    Venetian Snares/Blackalicious

Pebbles and Dynamite

A few things to note:

-Working seems to be the bane of my time-oriented existence. I don't know why I've been so driven to get in hours on top of hours lately. Well, yes I do: I want to be able to support myself next year and right now is my best chance to get my foot well in the door. Done.

-I still have no real 'home'. Scratch that, my 'home' is my car, Mikhael. For the time being, I'm fine with that...and I think it will remain that way given the fact that my apparent 'room mate' is essentially a ghost. Scratch that, is a ghost. That makes things a little difficult.

-After about 5 months of dealing with the oh so effective Financial Aid office at DU, I have my 'award' and....I can afford to graduate!!! I don't know how yet, but I do know that it will done now. It is within the realm of possibility.

-I feel 'on the outside'. I suppose I'm alright with that.

-Nothing is at all the same. Nothing. Nor will it ever be that way again.

-Ash and I leave Thursday for my 45th vacation of this summer that has seemed like a year. It will be nice, because after that, he will be gone before I know it. Then I've really lost a significant piece of what is important and meaningful to me here in Denver.

-I think I agree with Amy much more than I'd like to let on.

-I'm still optimistic as ever, but, honestly: Fuck this shit.

That is all....
  • Current Mood

Frizzled on the extracts

Things have been a bustlin' and I'm starting to feel as if I'm an American again...Sprayin' gasoline though my teeth and moving around large expanses yet ultimately accomplishing nothing. This time, however, it is a wee bit different. There is a slight tint to it, there is perhaps a third eye that whimices, blinks and shifts position as if there were no anchors on our feet.

Been working pretty much every day. Most days from 10:30 to about 10/10:30 at night. Which is nice. I could use the liquid, but also consequently results in me not being able to chill with people as much as I like. Still looking for a place. It's been a piecemeal process to say the least, which is fine with me. Still have no real 'personal space' except for my car/office/moving residence. I'm not too motivated, though. It'll be nice to have my place. It'll be nice to have space, but I'm a bit fond of not paying rent for the time being. That, and I'm also highly entertaining the idea of experimenting with living next year. I.E. living homeless to some extent, and by that I mean largely living out of my car and around. There are plenty of couches to crash in, and with the busy schedule that I have, I'm not granted very much time at 'home' in the first place. I would like to ideally find a garage to rent out--that way I'd have a space to do my mechanic/bike/painting stuff and store my collections. Other than that, I could have Denver as a whole be my romping ground. Just entertaining the idea for the time being, but with each day, its mere possibility seems to be inflating.

I'm starting to notice a difference in the fact that I haven't really slept for more than 4 hours in the last two weeks in relation to the lives of others. I'm always waking up at 8 or 9, regardless if I go to bed at 4:30 or 6:15. The first 30 seconds of being utterly pissed off and exhausted are the only ones that I really don't like. But it's nice being able to devote 12/13 hours of the day to work but still having plenty of time to chill or boss on my own stuff. Perhaps my mind is twisting itself a bit more than I originally thought...

Things are busy. Really busy. Don't take it personal. Things have been just damn great through my eyes, but I don't know what that is going to do to me....

On verra...
  • Current Music
    bat for lashes

Changed into fire

There are few things as opulent and glorious as starting the day with the rising of the sun, driving up to my favorite mountain range to battle yet again the epic stones and fields of two fantastic 14ers and ending it shredding an abandoned C-470 at speeds of 110 mph 24 hours later. Few things.